Tips for Repairing Your Broken Relationship

What My Therapist Taught Me About Real Relationship Repair

I remember sitting across from my psychologist, quietly tracing circles on my tea mug, trying to make sense of the silence that had settled between me and someone I loved.

That kind of disconnect — the kind that makes you feel like strangers in the same room — it doesn’t scream, it just slowly drifts. And it hurts in ways you didn’t expect.

She didn’t offer a miracle fix. She offered presence. Curiosity.

And one simple truth: if both of you still care, there’s always a way back — but it won’t be the way it was.

You don’t rebuild by going in circles. You rebuild by showing up differently.

And that starts with the smallest shifts. Not grand gestures, but the kind of soft, consistent changes that tell the other person, I’m trying.

If you’re in the middle of that process — or ready to begin — here are some gentle suggestions that helped me and might help you too:

• Change can’t be one-sided. Repair only works when both people commit to showing up differently — not perfectly, just honestly.

• Your daily dynamic matters more than a single breakthrough. How you speak to each other now, how you handle tension today, will shape everything.

• Make space for new stories. One of the things I’ve started doing? Using Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin? card deck. It’s a game, yes — but one rooted in healing. With 200 prompts, it helps you explore, laugh, remember, and reconnect — without the pressure of “fixing.” Just feeling again.

Because the truth is, relationship repair process is not puzzles you solve.

They’re stories you rewrite — one conversation, one question, one brave moment at a time.

Learn to De-Escalate

One of the most underrated skills in any relationship? Knowing how to keep a conversation from turning into a full-blown argument.

Because real progress doesn’t happen when both people are holding their breath, walking on eggshells, afraid that honesty might ignite another fight.

It happens when both feel safe enough to be honest — even when it’s messy.

To stop things from spiraling, start with empathy. Don’t interrupt. Listen all the way through, even when it’s hard.

Practice receiving criticism without immediately getting defensive — and offer it with care, not blame.

And yes, sometimes a well-timed laugh can ease the tension — as long as it’s never at your partner’s expense.

If you’re not sure how to even begin those tough conversations, or if you both tend to shut down or blow up, tools like Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin? game can help.

It’s a simple deck of 200 story-driven prompts that open the door to deeper connection — without the pressure.

Think of it like training wheels for emotional intimacy. You’re not just talking. You’re learning to hear each other again.

Because when communication becomes safe, everything else gets easier.

Repairing Broken Relationship: Spend Time Together

If all your time together is spent talking about issues in your relationship, you’re bound to lose sight of what you loved about the relationship in the first place.

That’s why you should make an effort to spend time together in a deliberate way and focused on things you both enjoy.

This includes fun and fulfilling activities like hiking, watching movies, playing board games, or anything else you share an interest in.

This will help you strengthen your friendship, providing a better foundation for your overall relationship.

Find Closure or Move On From Past Issues

Bringing up issues from two or three years ago in the middle of a difficult conversation is not helpful.

As tempting as it may be to reference past mistakes to win an argument, all it does is derail your conversation and escalate the situation.

If you and your partner have already discussed this past issue at length and resolved it, it’s better to move on and not bring it up needlessly.

If you’re instead bringing up this issue because it’s unresolved and you don’t have any closure from it, then it’s better to have a separate conversation about it.

That way, you can fully address this past issue without distracting from the current one.

Be Patient and Forgiving

It’s going to take longer than a few weeks to repair a relationship and change bad habits or behaviors.

That being the case, you should both try to be patient with each other and yourselves.

If you expect this process to be short, straightforward, and without any road bumps, you will surely be disappointed.

Rebuilding trust and/or re-establishing an emotional connection can be difficult, and it’s normal to make mistakes and face minor setbacks.

That’s why you should try your best to be open, forgiving, and patient throughout.

Work as a Team

It can be tempting to shut down and retreat into ourselves when we feel hurt.

However, doing so will only make it more difficult for you and your partner to work as a team.

You should be turning towards each other during hard times, not away.

Actively trying to work as a team can manifest in different ways, including holding hands, listening intently, and laughing at jokes.

In the end, it’s really about making an effort towards establishing intimacy and an emotional connection rather than trying to win arguments or shift blame.

Express Genuine Gratitude

Loving someone and having that person love you back is incredible, even during those difficult moments when it can feel like everything is falling apart.

That’s why you should try to show your partner how much they mean to you.

It’s important that you both feel loved and valued.

Otherwise, the broken aspects of your relationship may cause more pain and insecurity than your relationship can handle.

Relationship Repair: It’s Okay to Reach Out for Help

It’s natural to want to solve our problems by ourselves, but it’s important to keep an open mind about contacting a psychologist.

A licensed psychologist that specializes in relationship repair will help facilitate conversation between both parties, offer important observations on the relationship, and help you to find solutions.

Reaching out to a psychologist may seem nerve-wracking, but doing so could be the best decision you ever made for your relationship.

If the tips listed above aren’t effective, seeking a professional is likely the most realistic option.